could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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