I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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