I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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