the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
