Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
