She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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