Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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