Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
