the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
