Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
God, I missed his penis.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
