I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
