I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
