Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
