So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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