I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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