My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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