Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
