i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
