I hate your face
She's like a pop up book from hell.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
