I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
