I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize