hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
