...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
