Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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