so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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