This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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