I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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