1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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