And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
