oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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