Ketchup is God's man juice
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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