Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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