Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
