i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
