Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
