Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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