Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
