Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
