I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
