it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
