If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
