Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
