So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
