I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
