And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can you bring me the toilet please
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
