Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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