Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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