She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
