dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
