you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
