I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
