epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
