I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
