Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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