He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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