You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
