Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
