You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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