dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
