so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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