It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
