very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
