Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cockslap morals
I smell stomach acid.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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