My brain says no but my pants say off.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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