I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
