Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
