Duck Duck Cougar?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize