Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
