what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
