do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
