your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
