Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
