I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
